Pornography is an addictive drug. It is used to cope with the stressors of life in an unhealthy way. It releases those “feel good” chemicals into the brain, just like drugs and alcohol do; they induce pleasure automatically, which makes it addictive in nature. When we pair a naturally addictive substance with a way to escape our problems and insecurities, it becomes crippling. To make matters worse, often times pornography exposure first happens in adolescence, a time when we have weak self control and too often feel embarrassed to reach out for help. 

These boys grow into men, and by this point they have formed a deep-rooted “connection” with porn. It has become their best friend, it has been there with them through the awkward middle school phase, their parent’s divorce, and their first break up. Porn has been there to chase the pain away and make everything stop hurting for a little while. As the effects of the indulgence start to fade, they begin to feel some of that unwanted pain again and start to plan their next fix and continue in the vicious cycle. They have never really learned to cope without it. Sure calling a friend, journaling or going for a run might help a little, but it’s not a 100% guaranteed fix that will remedy that hurt faster than you can lace up your running shoes. Why take half an Advil when you know three will completely silence the pain? 

These confused and shackled men start to look for love in life, but their idea of love and connection has been terribly warped. They want to connect but aren’t really sure how; they have spent so much time trying to numb the hurt, that they often unintentionally numb the joys of life as well, which yet again leaves them with pain and longing. A pain and longing that only knows one addictive fix. 

Needless to say, this affects a marriage on every level. There is the man and the woman, but also an uninvited old friend who he just can’t seem to leave behind. Pornography is her name. She is there in the marriage, ever lurking and waiting to steal the husband away. She is selfish and fierce. Pornography knows that the more connection that the man has with his wife, the less he will turn to his old friend. Pornography wants to be the one to wipe his tears away. She needs the attention if she is going to survive. Her power is overwhelming and often the husband falls, broken and torn up, back at the mercy of his addictions wrath. 

She knows she has power over the husband and isn’t afraid to use it. She is inside his head, and his whole body aches for it even though he knows of it’s filth. The husband knows he’s promised himself to another but cannot seem to let go of his all too effective pain-killer.

This old-friend, pornography, she not only haunts the man but sinks her teeth into his wife. She breaks the soul and destroys her worth, she rips apart her dreams. Pornography is quite pleased it has not only one slave, but two. This unwanted friend yells at the wife, “You do not compare, look at yourself – you will never be enough! All this time he has chosen his drug over people, what makes you think you are so special? Your husband is mine, I have him trapped you see, I am a high and fix that cannot be matched, and you are merely a human, not a drug like me. Your husband may say he wants me to leave, but give it two weeks and I’ll have him back down on his knees, his mind screaming for another hit. The cycle will continue, I know it well, darling get out now or you never will.”

These messages are a constant blare, they seep down into the soul, written there in blood and tears to surface again when life gets to be too much. Tears and tears and tears for days. Nothing can make this pain go away. 

Who have I become? The wife asks herself. I don’t feel well inside, I’m suffocating and living a damaged life full of uncertainty, and fear. I’m going to die in here if I can’t get out, somebody help me I don’t know which way is out. 

As this story started out, it was reported that there was a man, a woman and his old friend, but there is another who is always there. He is the source of light and hope and brings respite to the wounded hearts. God is ever-watching over, and an enemy of the dark. He is constantly telling the wife a message as well, it’s all in which message she chooses to dwell.

“You are enough my precious daughter. Your worth cannot be compared, your beauty is radiant and eternal, your potential to the sky. Unmask that old-friend for who she is, the cunning one who takes on several forms that no gender nor race nor science can confine. The evil one, the devil, dear has been wreaking havoc on your soul.

I will set you free, lean in and listen to me. Your heart is broken, but it can mend. Take my outstretched hand and we’ll work together. The choice is yours; polar-opposite messages are being sent your way. Close your mind to the ones that destroy. Your worth is immeasurable, only listen to the voices that echo the same. Please remember that you are always enough.”

-Anonymous